First, the physical aspects. My dad is Chinese. He is 5'8", but he looks slightly taller with his hair. His hair is black and very oily. He has a shaved beard, making his face very spiky and uncomfortable. His face is like a landscape with tree stumps strewn everywhere. He is slightly tan and he often wears formal clothes everywhere.
Now, the mental aspects. He is very outgoing, making him a friend of many people. He also procrastinates a lot. He thinks very methodically and is very slow on a few subjects. He shouts a lot at disobedient family members, but is very nice to guests. A little too nice. He is also very competitive and he wants to reign over other people's skills.
Now, the mental aspects. He is very outgoing, making him a friend of many people. He also procrastinates a lot. He thinks very methodically and is very slow on a few subjects. He shouts a lot at disobedient family members, but is very nice to guests. A little too nice. He is also very competitive and he wants to reign over other people's skills.
There's a difference between writing a description and writing a list. What you have right now is a list.
ReplyDeleteThe physical aspects:
Chinese
5'8"
Black and oily
Mental aspects:
Outgoing
Procrastinates
Thinks methodically
Also, you start nearly every sentence with "he," which contributes to the list effect. Remember - you need changes in sentence structure.
Example of a description (written about a man who's across the street from me, who I'll call Juan):
"Juan was a tall, gaunt man, who never looked quite at ease with himself. When he sat, it was hesitancy; when he stood, he didn't know what to do with his hands. He was detached and absent-minded in everyday life, but when he was worked up about something, his face would turn a slight red and his voice would rise in pitch. A bit withdrawn and more than a little lonely, he went through life waiting for happiness to find him, rather than the other way around."
Alright, so in addition to your daily blog post (about whatever subject you want) tomorrow, revise and rewrite your description, yes?
By the way, I like your new background =]