Well, today I got back from Boston! Here's a summary on http://www.wired.com/dangerroom/2010/07/human-trials-ahead-for-darpas-mind-controlled-artificial-arm/.
When you think of an artificial arm, the image that probably pops into your mind is a arm that is like a real arm, and can function as one too. The new one invented by scientists from the pentagon isn't much different when you first look at it, but it is, in fact, a lot more functional.
About 50 years ago, the first artificial arm was invented with no more that cables and hooks. The new artificial arm has a neural interface implanted into the brain. That controls the arm. The arm has 22 degrees of motion and finger control too. This allows them to perform many everyday tasks.Recently, the scientists recieved $34.5 million to test the artificial arm on humans.
This product almost sounds too good to be true. It probably is. Our mind reading isn't perfect yet, and that could cause something dangerous to happen. Also, it is probably worth tons of money - literally.
So is this new artificial arm a success or a fail? We'll just have to wait and see.
I like this! You're improving - how long did it take you to write this?
ReplyDelete"...is an arm that is like a real arm, and can function as one too." <---This a bit awkward. Imagine if I said, "This lemonade is made out of lemons that are like real lemons."
What about revising it as, "People usually imagine the ideal artificial arm as being able to look and function like the genuine article."
"The new one invented by scientists from the pentagon isn't much different when you first look at it, but it is, in fact, a lot more functional. "<---What is it different from? The old models? You should mention what sets them apart.
"Scientists at DARPA, a research branch of the Pentagon, are revolutionizing the prosthetic limb with the development of a new advanced artificial arm."
"The new artificial arm has a neural interface implanted into the brain. That controls the arm." <--- can be combined into "The new artificial arm has a neural interface implanted into the brain that controls the arm."
"The arm has 22 degrees of motion and finger control too. This allows them to perform many everyday tasks."<---Can be changed to, "With 22 degrees of motion and finger control, the arm can allow its wearer to perform many everyday tasks that would have been impossible with traditional prosthetics."
"Our mind reading isn't perfect yet, and that could cause something dangerous to happen." <---This is a little confusing, and calling the control of an arm "mind reading" suggests that we're researching telepathy, not artificial limbs.
What if you said, "The product sounds almost too good to be true - there are certainly tremendous barriers to be overcome in its continual development. Neural implants (those two words are a lot more professional sounding than "mind reading") is a new technology that hasn't been extensively tested yet. And even if these arms could be developed, how much would they cost? They wouldn't be of any use if they weren't affordable."
"So is this new artificial arm a success or a fail?" <---Change to "So is this new artificial arm a success or a _failure_?"
Overall, you're doing a great job - you have all the correct ideas; you just need the right sentence flow to express them concisely and clearly.
Okay, for today's post, I want you to look back to describe and reminiscence about your time in Boston. What was fun, and what was not? Would you go there again? What was thought provoking? Remember that you're recounting an experience.
Alternatively, you can take just one incident, one experience from Boston, and write about that. Oh, and you have to use at least five similes/metaphors.
Read: http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/2010/06/talking_bout_my_generation.html
Look at the way he writes about his memories. What can you learn and take and borrow from that?