Monday, July 5, 2010
Yep
I don't have much time to blog today. I am going to give a short description of eating lunch. Today for lunch, I ate fried dumplings. They were leftover from breakfast and refried. We bought them pre-made at a grocery store. The dumplings were crispy on both sides. The inside was mostly meat of unknown variety and there wasn't as much vegetables as I usually eat in dumplings. It wasn't very juicy inside because they were pre-made. Because of the lack of juice, the meat was really packed together, making it harder to chew. The wrapping was very thick and very fitting for the meat. It sounds like it wouldn't taste good at all, but it did. It was probably better than any dumpling I ever ate. My first bite was a bit hot, so I didn't get much taste from it. But the second dumpling was the perfect temperature, enough to know it's there, but not too much to burn your tongue. Dumplings are good.
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This was good - how long did it take you to write this?
ReplyDeleteOne thing to watch out for is the rhythm of your sentences. A good flow usually comes through mixing up the sentence length. For example, what you have right now is:
Today for lunch, I ate fried dumplings.
They were leftover from breakfast and refried.
We bought them pre-made at a grocery store.
The dumplings were crispy on both sides.
See how the length is the same on four consecutive sentences? That gives your paragraph a blunt, clipped feel. If you say, "I ate fried dumplings for lunch today - the leftovers from breakfast. A bit crispy on both sides, they were filled with mystery meat and a noticeable lack of vegetables."
It's like poetry - you want a good beat and rhythm that doesn't endlessly repeat, but changes and flows.
Oh, and always remember to show, not tell!
"It sounds like it wouldn't taste good at all, but it did. It was probably better than any dumpling I ever ate."
ReplyDelete-- Do you mean "It appears like it wouldn't taste good at all"?
"But the second dumpling was the perfect temperature, enough to know it's there,"
-- Hum... "enough to know it's there?". How about "enough to give me a tender feel"
It's good to see you pick up a very tiny, otherwise un-noticeable thing and develop into a descriptive paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteThere are many such "tiny things" in your life, each of which can be easily captured and built into interesting stories.
You have been to many cities in the past few years. Each city has its unique culture and people. I am very interested to hear your observations and comments on the subtle differences of the cultures and people at those cities. Additionally, the architectural aspects of the cities - do you notice different styles?