Because I was in Boston for the past two weeks, I haven't gone to swim team recently - there were a lot of new changes. First and foremost, there is a new coach. Today he/she wasn't here, so I'm not sure what he/she looks like and how strict he/she is. But because of the many new rules he/she imposed, I assume that he/she is not cordial. The main rule I absolutely despise is that you have to wear swimming caps. Swimming caps are horrible little sheets of rubber that do nothing but give you pain. They squeeze your head until you itch, but of course, your can't scratch. If the itchiness is unbearable, you would have to take the swimming cap off - while pulling out a few of your hard earned hairs - and put it back on. Even the process of putting it on is almost impossible without help. One person has to hold two opposite edges, and the wearer puts it on his forehead. Then, with a yank that pulls off a few more hairs, the non-wearer situates it on the wearer's head.
I strongly oppose this policy of swimming caps. A person should be able to chose whether or not he wants to put a almost useless object on his head to slightly increase his swimming speed. It makes sense if it is a requirement at a race, but at practice it definitely shouldn't be. Another reason I strongly oppose this rule is that you have to borrow YMCA's swimming cap if you don't have one. That cap was used by countless numbers of people who could have been sick or had lice. All those germs and lice would get on your head. The final reason I disapprove of this rule is that they are uncomfortable. They squeeze your head and cause itchiness just for a bit of speed. Swimming caps are sometimes useful, but they shouldn't be mandatory at practice.
I love this post - it's really well-written. Seriously! Even my parents liked it. You get your point across and it flows very well.
ReplyDelete"If the itchiness is unbearable, you would have to take the swimming cap off." <--- You should take the word "would" out of this sentence.
"They squeeze your head until you itch, but of course, your can't scratch." <--- This is a run-on sentence. Maybe turn into "They squeeze your head until it itches, but of course you can't scratch it to find relief."
" The final reason I disapprove of this rule is that they are uncomfortable." <--- Using the words "the final reason" makes you sound formulaic. You never want to end your essays with "finally," Think about it. Your teachers may tell you that it's a transition word, but it really only clutters the paragraph and makes it seem artificial. Take my word for it.
"Swimming caps are sometimes useful, but they shouldn't be mandatory at practice." <--- Very good concluding sentence. Can be improved by replacing "sometimes" with "occasionally" (a more specific word), and saying "they _definitely_ shouldn't be mandatory at practice." The "definitely" makes your point more emphatic.
Okay, your assignment tomorrow is two-fold.
1) Write about anything (two paragraphs again, same length as this post).
2) Turn the following awkward sentences into flowing, natural ones:
For example, the phrase "At an earlier time today, my sister told me she would pick me up after the end of work." should be turned into: "Earlier today, my sister told me she would pick me up after work."
Another example: "Various different people in our office were not against moving the water cooler to a location that would be less difficult for everyone to reach." should be changed to "Various people in our office were in favor of moving the water cooler to a location that would be easier for everyone to reach."
Okay, your turn!
"I like to give stuff away but that is only when I can't not receive tax deductions for it."
"The turtle was of the sea but made its home in the land."
"Actually, a basic and fundamental part of cooking is making sure you don't have some of the wrong ingredients you need."
"One accidental mistake some beginning swimmers make is not remembering to kick. "
"A subject that is one of my favorites is math, because it is a perfect example of beauty."
"A boy on the playground bumped into me. I pushed him back. He did not do anything. Then I pushed him again. He started to cry. I was surprised."
"She is like a bird living in a cage and not able to survive without the cage."
"My existence serves as my mom's source of stress, though we are working on controlling all of it so she isn't."
"He lived his normal life of sleeping, playing, and eating for three more days, then his curiosity overcame him."
"Swimming lessons are now available on-line."
"Man cleared in wife's death; moose is suspect."
"If your mattress hasn't been cleaned the answer is probably yes you have bed bugs."
"The problem with night shows is that every night they have to have something different to put on the show."
Oh, and read this: http://www.gweep.net/~leaf/word/grammarlist.html
Tell me what you think of it, hm?
Oh, and I'm glad that you're enjoying In the Night Garden. You'll probably want to check out the sequel "Cities of Coin and Spice" because those two are inextricably linked. I think it's the type of book your mom would love too, so you could recommend it to her as well.
ReplyDelete