As Bob got back up, Muce's smile slowly disappeared. Now there was no word in the English language to describe how menacing he looked at that moment. Muce's gaze turned Bob's legs to rubber. Bob turned as pale as a ghost. But the thought of his refrigerator in danger pushed him up on his feet and gave him the energy to go on. He ran towards Muce. Suddenly, his mind went blank and he grew very self-conscious. "What should I do when I get to him?" thought Bob as he continued to run. When he got close enough to attack, his subconscious mind made him sit on Muce. There was a look of surprise on Muce's face that quickly turned to anger. But of course, Muce couldn't do anything about the 300 pounds of weight that was keeping the air out of his lungs. Bob quickly jumped off Muce, grabbed his stolen items, and ran. In no time at all, he was in his car driving away with his stolen items in his trunk. A wave of relief washed over Bob as he drove farther and farther away from the pit that was Muce's house. He began to think more clearly, and he called the police to tell them the location of Muce, then he drove back home.
All was normal again within a few weeks, and Bob was back to his life of painful awakenings.
Good job! I enjoyed the ending a lot.
ReplyDeleteI think you still need to find the right balance between description and action, but that will come with time, and you're already improving on that front.
The ending is still a bit rushed; how did Bob grab his frig and put it in the trunk? Why didn't Muce just stand up after Bob got off him? Just things to think about the next time you write a story.
Your last sentence is also way too abrupt. Imagine if after the entire Harry Potter series had just ended with "And then Harry went back to his life of magic and stuff." You want to end and provide a bit more resolution.
By the way, Blogger doesn't allow indents, so in the future you want to separate your paragraphs with a line of spacing in between them. Skip a line, basically.
Do you want me to write on anything, or are you going to let me off easy on this one =]
Anyways, you can choose any of the books you've recently read to write your book report on. Just make it in depth, hm? Also, don't grind away or get frustrated at it. If you get stumped, just write whatever first comes into your mind instead of sitting there and grasping at straws. Stream-of-consciousness writing is a good way to overcome writer's block.