Friday, July 2, 2010
Short Story
The rain stopped as Bob looked out the window. He was so excited! "Oh wait... It was just my mind playing tricks on me", he thought as the rain continued pouring. It has been raining for a year already. Plants were drowning and kids like Bob couldn't play outside. But there was a better reason that Bob wanted it to stop raining. The yoyo he just ordered wouldn't come until the rain stopped. This may not seem like much, but that yoyo was one hundred twenty dollars, and he needed it to go to his next competition. He would just have to wait. Bob is a patient person, but one year for a yoyo? That is just too much. He decided he would drive to the Yoyofactory factory and get a yoyo himself. He drove for two days and two nights and he finally got there. he was very elated. He looked around for the yoyo he wanted, but he couldn't find it. He asked and they said that the last one was just shipped to someone's house. Bob sullenly drove home. As he got closer to his house, he noticed that something was different. He couldn't quite figure out what... Then he realized. It wasn't raining anymore. He was happy, but he still didn't get his yoyo. He drove home, still sad. When he got home, his garage door was locked, so he went to the front door. There was no package. He rang the doorbell, and the door was picked up by his mother in law. She looked very excited. "There is nothing to be excited about", thought Bob. Then he looked at the desk. Sitting on top of the black and gold Yoyofactory box was his yoyo.
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You're making progress! The main thing I want to you to keep in mind though, is this rule: "Show, don't tell."
ReplyDeleteShow, don't tell! For the next year, I want you to remember and think about that phrase each and every day. It is your bible, your guiding light, your compass. Love it, memorize it, live it, devour it, emit it, mock it, apologize to it, read it, listen to it, feel it.
In this story, there's only telling, and no "showing." You state what happens, when you should be describing and painting and showing.
For example: "He drove home, still sad."
What if you used, "His thoughts were dull and gray as he drove home, and he felt as if an unbearable weight hung in a noose around his neck. As the car passed through the dilapidated landscape, he felt his mood plunging deeper and deeper into a pool of misery."
Look at what other writers do in their short stories, and how they use language.
Read this: http://www.abyssandapex.com/201001-fly.html
The author writes: "Here’s where we first meet: in a room with moss green recliners and faded Monet reproductions on cinderblock walls, a scatter of ancient magazines on low tables, IV poles and wheelchairs. I notice her first, maybe because she’s so vibrant and young amid men and women with colorless hair and exposed wrists, skin so thin it might be vellum. Dressed in baggy denim overalls and a yellow tee-shirt, the girl sits cross-legged in the recliner, a magazine open in her lap. A tube winds from beneath her sleeve to a bag hanging on the IV pole beside her."
This is a great version of showing, not telling. Sure, you could say, "I met her in the hospital lobby." But that doesn't have nearly the same effect, does it?
Read this: http://www.sfwriter.com/ow04.htm
It has some helpful hints.
Of course, you're writing on smaller scale, and shorter length, but you've got a wide variety of options available to you. Show, don't tell!
So I'm starting a routine, which is that on Saturday and Sundays, if you've written everyday for the entire week, you can make me write along with you on whatever topic you choose. So what's the topic for tomorrow going to be?
Also, what book are you reading now? How is it?
Sorry, I was on the plane to Boston, so I didn't get a chance to blog until now. (1:00pm in Boson)
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